mercredi 13 décembre 2017

How Times Have Changed

How times have changed.
I was just reading a Sharper Image Catalog and now they sell so many things that we didn't have when I was a kid. Did you ever look through one of those catalogs?
We used to play this game where you got a ball and you threw it at the other person to see if you could hit him. Now I see they got this thing where each of you get this stick looking thing and you can shoot real lightning bolts at each other.
They also have this little drone helocopter thing that you can fly right into your neighbors window and see what they are having for dinner. I would imagine the thing can also steal a drumstick right off their table. How much fun would that be! I am sure your neighbors would really like that.
Then you can walk around with this virtual reality thing on your head so you never have to visit the real world. You can have a virtual reality girlfriend, go to a virtual movie, drive a virtual car and I would imagine you could eat all your meals virtually. I amnot sure if it comes with a virtual doctor for when you starve to death. There is even a program where you can watch yourself watching a virtually reality show of yourself doing nothing.
There is virtual ping pong where you hit a ball of light. That seems really good for your muscle tone and overall fitness. I mean you probably have to change the batteries every so often and if you lift a lot of those AA batteries it can get exhausting.
Of course they have a few radios that you can listen to in your shower. Like, how long do you stand in the shower, are you really that filthy that you can't miss one version of Lady GaGa's Papparazi.
There is this Hover board thing that costs $300.00 and it goes 3 1/2mph. Isn't that walking speed? Why would anybody spend $300.00 to go as fast as you can walk? Maybe it's me!
I don't know how many nose hair clippers there are but apparently this is very important. Just last night I woke up from a dream where I was on a tropical Island sipping a Pina Colada with all 12 apostles, Leonardo DiVinci and 2 of the Radio City Rockettes and I realized I didn't clip my nose hairs. Today these things are so powerful that you can put it up your nose and it will clip your ear hairs at the same time. You can't make this stuff up.
Oh this is something I can't live without, right here on page 25. For just $100.00 you can order your own personalized bobble head doll, with your head on it. Wow, how great would that be. You stop at a light and your head nods up and down like you are some sort of an alien nerd weirdo. I can't wait to order that. I wonder if I can get one with hair on it.
This can save you some time, There is this Lady's hair drier that is so powerful that if you open your window while you are using it, it will melt up to 6" of snow on your sidewalk. I am not kidding.
Some of the things seem to stretch the truth just a little like this car vacuum that is so powerful you need to wear earplugs, not because of the noise, but because it may pull the wax right out of your ears and God Forbid if you are wearing earings, or worse, a nose ring.
I really can't see much value in this one. You hang this thing over your toilet bowl, and it lights up the water. I won't comment on that as I don't want to go there and if I saw that in someone's house, I would go to the bathroom in their neighbors house. Wierd.
But my absolute favorite if this refrigerator for a lonely bachelor who wants to feel he is married. Every time you pass it, it says,
"HEY LAZY, THROW OUT THE GARBAGE. TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES. DON'T DRINK OUT OF THE MILK CONTAINER. TAKE OUT THE DOG. FILL MY CAR WITH GAS. RUB MY FEET. GET ME A BEER".
These are all things you can buy now. We didn't have toys and stuff like this when I was a Kid. I remember asking my Dad once to get me a toy and he came out with a piece of wood, a couple of nails and a hammer. I played with that until I got married. Now I can get rid of that talking refrigerator.


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